Hey, wake up! I’m reviewing restaurants here!

A study published by coffee brand Carte Noire, and reported by the U.K.’s Daily Mail, states that 70 percent of men regularly read aloud in bed to their wives and girlfriends (presumbably not at the same time) to help them relax. Further, the study found that favorites (or favourites, as the Mail would put it) are romantic novels, travel guides and restaurant reviews. And two out of three women who are read to say that such readings cause them to be more affectionate to their partners.

I guess I’d better consider that as I write my reviews. I’ll start using more phrases like “lugubrious legumes,” “seductive sauces,” and “passionate potatoes.”

You’re welcome, guys.