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Step Away from the Cookie; Service Will Talk Willpower Into You

Written By Scott Joseph On December 11, 2009

Having trouble dieting during the holiday season? Willpower is now available for only $2.99 a minute.

A new weight loss program from coaches247.com offers live “Accountability Coaches” — and that term is apparently a registered trademark meant to have a ™ after it — who will talk you down from the ledge of dietary doom. So if you wake up at 3 in the morning with sugar withdrawal, you can call your very own trademarked coach and say, “Man, all I can see are sugarplums. Everywhere. I’m going to crack, I know it. I just need one little piece of fudge!” Presumably your coach will tell you not to do it.

It’s a toll-free call, but the clock starts ticking as soon as you’re connected to your advisor. Talk as long as it takes, but you’ll be charged $2.99 per minute. (My luck I’d get a counselor with a slow Southern drawl.) You can even go to the Web site and choose your counselor by sight. Each Accountability Coach (trademark emblem) has his or her own extension for you to dial. So if you like the way Coach Summer looks or Coach Pepper’s smile, you can choose them.

I know what you’re thinking: this sounds like a different kind of pay-per-call phone service. No, no, not at all. Although if you’re in to submission it might work for you.

I’m not sure I could be held accountable — trademarked or not — to make the call myself. I need a service that will intuitively know when I have a slice of Key lime poised for the pie-hole and call me to talk me out of going through with it. Surely there’s an app for that.

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